Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Magpie 2

My first writings for Magpie Tales

He placed the used match on the top of the box with such precision that my eyes followed his hand
The lit cigarette smoke swirled round his head and I looked at him as though through a fog. I was mesmerised by his look, it was as though his eyes pierced my very being, my soul. I tried to breathe calmly but my heart was racing.

It had only been minutes since he had strode towards me, boot heels clicking on the polished tiles of the hotel foyer. But it had seemed a life time had past.
It was a madness to meet him again but that moment when he had phoned had caught me in my despair, my loneliness my empty emptiness.
I hated the smoke that now curled toward me and I tried to look away, but his eyes held me in their stare and I was trapped. I felt spent just like the match and like the match there was no going back to how I once was.

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13 comments:

  1. strongly felt and strongly stated.
    Short, concise and saying oh so much!
    I like how you did this!
    rel

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  2. i felt spent like the match...that line carries a lot of weight...nicely done!

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  3. Evocative imagery - superb! The story is very compelling, full of mystery and intrigue; leaves me wanting more!

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  4. Thank you for your comments, this sort of writing is a style I find easy I need to move out of my comfort zone!
    Chris

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  5. Ooo....that last line tells stories of some of our lives and loves! Great scene!

    Thanks for visiting my page. After this post of yours, I'm looking forward to reading more.

    Don't make us all wait!!


    Rick

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  6. I'm swooning here...ooo...those sexy boot heels on the tile!

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  7. What a perfect last line! Brava!

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  8. Love all that remains unsaid in this piece. One question - "I tried not to look away." Should that be "I tried to look away"?

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  9. http://adivashammer.com/archives/1124/comment-page-1#comment-8521

    provokes visual imagery...and sustains the reader throughout.

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  10. I could see it all unfold as I read.

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  11. Very nice. I followed his every move.

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  12. there's a real intensity here. i agree with Brian, "'i felt spent like the match'...that line carries a lot of weight.."

    looking forward to more.

    thank you for stopping by my bloghome. please come again soon!

    warm smiles,

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  13. Definitely things are heating up in this definitely Romantic saga. Will they 'strike up' another sordid affair or will their romance just "fizzle out"? Lots of atmosphere, I smell sulphur! Hope the fires of passion can remain in their hot and heavy romance! More! Excellently written!

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